… And the bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?!?”

 

It’s National Tell a Joke Day!

 

Dust off some classics, because today is the one day a year where those recycled, corny jokes your grandfather told you are not only acceptable, but appreciated! Whether it’s a one liner, a pun, or a funny prank, today is the day to get away with it.

 

In honor of this most auspicious day, here are some jokes (greatly varied for your sampling pleasure) to share with your friends, family, and co-workers alike.

(Please note: We recommend keeping your sense of humor close and leaving your offended sensibilities at the door!)

 

To share with the nerdy geeky side-kick in your life…

– Why did the capicitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor…

– A neutron walks into a bar. “I’d like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?” asks the neutron. “For you?” replies the bartender, “no charge“.

– Two scientists walk into a bar… the first one says, “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O, too.” And then he dies.

 

To  share at the office…

A large corporation recently hired several cannibals. “You are all part of our team now,” said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. You get all of the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don’t eat any of the other employees.” The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, “You’re all working very hard and I’m satisfied with your work.   However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?” The cannibals all shook their heads “No.”

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, “Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?” A hand rose hesitantly.

“You fool!” the leader continued. “For four weeks we’ve been eating managers and no one noticed anything, but NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!!!”

 

Pun-errific!

– I recently signed up for Reverse Origami class... It will be interesting to see how it all unfolds.

– Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off? He’s all right now.

– I should have been upset when my flashlight batteries dies, but I was delighted!

– My wife tells me I’m a skeptic, but I don’t believe a word she says.

– I’ve been a jogger for three years running.

 

And just a couple quick ones to top it all off…

– How do dinosaurs pay their bills? With Tyrannosaurus checks.

– What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.

– What kind of cats like to go bowling? Alley cats.

– How do you make an egg laugh? Tell it a yolk.

– How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

 

Not one for telling jokes, but still want in on the fun? Pranks count, too…

– Switch around the contacts on your friend’s phone. Make it extra embarrassing by swapping their significant other’s phone number for a parent instead.

– Wrap all the toilets in your house in gift-wrap and top them off with a bow. People will run all over the house trying to find a bathroom to use.

– Create an endless prank by super gluing coins to the sidewalk right outside of your house. Make it a few quarters and you’ll be sure to catch all your neighbors and guests leaning down to grab them.

 

Time for you folks to wander off and get to celebrating the holiday. Happy National Tell a Joke Day, and remember, always practice safe jokes!