Take a stand against childhood obesity by chasing little fat kids down the street.
Is work stressing you out and making you upset? Just take a deep breath, and hold it for about 20 minutes.
Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life has never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
Get a TATTOO they said! A rock band tattoo would be the BEST they said! Creed will be popular FOREVER they said!
Marriage is like betting someone half of your stuff that you will love them forever.
If you don’t have anything nice to say, say it sarcastically.
Lying on the hammock while my wife does yard work. Don’t know exactly what she’s planting but the hole she dug is slightly bigger than me.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would they fight for a belt when they don’t wear pants?
When you are traveling and must go through Customs, they usually ask if you have anything to declare. Just a head’s up, “Thumb War” is not the answer they are looking for.
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