I have failed math eleventeen times or so.
I wear my ninja turtles costume on all of my first dates… you know, just to weed out the weirdos.
I want to work at Starbucks because I want to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups. Yes, yes. I know it’s truly evil. But it’s funny.
I’m not sure that video Instagram is a good idea. I’ve honesty never looked at a picture of someone’s dinner and thought, “If only I could hear this.”
The worst thing about wearing a turtleneck is not being able to get up off of your back if you fall over.
I took an IQ test yesterday. I was really worried, but thankfully the results came back negative.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I’m the type of person who gains weight just by LOOKING at the pie that I’m finishing.
The say you should test your fire alarm once a month. I try, but it’s costing me a fortune in houses.
I have a mind like a steel trap. It’s rusty and illegal in 37 states.
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